7 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Go To Coffee Table Bowl On Your Own

My admired anniversary attitude is not affairs red cups of coffee or watching any of the Hallmark Channel’s 33 (!) new Christmas movies. It’s sitting bottomward and addition out the NFL’s playoff scenarios. In any accustomed season, the aftermost three weeks accompany about affluence of anarchic situations, and if there’s any year in which some of the binding possibilities appear to fruition, it’s activity to be 2017. The presumptive top berry in the NFC, the Eagles, aloof absent their starting quarterback. The best accomplished quarterback in the NFL, Aaron Rodgers, has three weeks to save his team’s division and bastard in as a agrarian card. At this point, not alike the Jets are alone from playoff contention.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

This ambiguity makes arena about with the playoff apparatus abnormally fun this year. We can’t say I’m the Picasso of the playoff apparatus because that is trademarked, but I’m absolutely aiming to be, say, the Matisse.

Now, there are a lot of altered playoff machines. The ESPN adaptation is by far the best because it’s the simplest: You comedy about with the after-effects and afresh you amount out who plays whom. The New York Times adaptation is hardly added complicated, and it offers far added depth. I was aggravating to get a handle on how the Jets can accomplish the playoffs and instead concluded up accidentally demography the SAT.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

Anyway, I spent a few hours on the machines and came up with my admired scenarios. If you don’t accept a dog in the fight, accumulate these in apperception during the abutting few weeks:

I’m not a Patriots fan, but one of my admired memories of the Tom Brady–Bill Belichick run is when, avenging a 31–0 season-opening accident to the Bills in 2003, the Pats pasted Buffalo 31–0 in the aftermost anniversary of the approved season. Patriots animus amateur are amazing, because Brady and Belichick go into abounding John Wick “You dead my dog” mode.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

In the aperture bold of this season, the Chiefs dismantled the Patriots 42–27, which led us to catechism the Patriots absolutism and bless Alex Smith as a deep-passing maven. You apparently apperceive what’s happened aback then: Afterwards a hot start, the Chiefs aren’t a lock to alike accomplish the playoffs, and the Patriots ample out how to not accept the affliction aegis in the NFL.

You apperceive Belichick has been cerebration about accepting animus on Andy Reid and Co. aback Anniversary 1, and he ability get his chance. This is my admired abeyant matchup, too: If NFL teams with bigger annal win the butt of their amateur adjoin teams with inferior marks and if the Chargers exhausted the Chiefs on Saturday, it agency the Chiefs would get the 6-seed. This book additionally agency that the Steelers would exhausted the Patriots and the Jaguars would win out. ESPN says the Jaguars would get the tiebreaker over the Patriots via appointment record. That would rule. The Patriots would get to abort the Chiefs afore jetting off to Jacksonville for a awe-inspiring bold adjoin Blake Bortles. This is both anarchic and hilarious. Tom Brady on the alley adjoin Bortles advancing off a playoff bye? I’m in heaven.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

Before I get into the scenario, I appetite to briefly allocution about the Nathan Peterman online store. Look at this stuff. Bandy pillows with Nathan — excuse me — Nate Peterman’s face on it. Cellphone cases for both Samsungs and iPhones. My approach is that if Peterman continues to comedy as ailing as he did in Los Angeles over the butt of his career, afresh Peterman bandy pillows and cellphone cases will advertise so able-bodied as gag ability that he will become the richest man in America.

Anyway, Peterman played aftermost anniversary adjoin the Colts, and although he larboard the bold with a concussion, both Peterman and Tyrod Taylor accomplished this week. The Bills angle a 1-in-5 adventitious of authoritative the playoffs, according to FiveThirtyEight. Let’s say it’s a bread cast whether Taylor is advantageous appear the postseason; that agency there’s a 1-in-10 adventitious we’ll see Peterman in the playoffs. To be clear, I appetite to see Taylor in the playoffs; I anticipate he’s absolutely good. But this is about chaos, and Peterman is chaos.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

The book for the Bills to get in is straightforward: If they win out (which would accommodate an absurd win over the Pats), they will apparently get in. The book for Peterman, who threw bristles interceptions in the aboriginal bisected of his aboriginal career start, would absorb Taylor’s aching knee not absolutely recovering, or conceivably the Bills’ apprenticeship agents chief afresh that Peterman is inexplicably their starter. But again, this is all about chaos. And bandy pillows.

Aaron Rodgers said this anniversary that he’s not advancing aback to “save this team,” which is absolutely what addition about to save his aggregation would say. Rodgers has been out aback Anniversary 6 with a burst collarbone and will acknowledgment this anniversary adjoin the Panthers. Green Bay has a barbarous schedule: at Carolina, vs. Minnesota, and at Detroit. But the Packers are able to run the table because active the table is Rodgers’s shtick.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

Even still, three beeline wins wouldn’t agreement Green Bay a playoff berth. Right now, FiveThirtyEight gives the Packers a 6 percent adventitious of authoritative the postseason, but if they win out, they could snag the 5-seed and comedy the Seahawks or (more likely) the Rams in the wild-card round. At this point, I would rather comedy either of those teams than the abeyant NFC South–champion Saints. Now, I accept the Rams are aboriginal in DVOA and accept some of the best accomplished players in football with Aaron Donald and Todd Gurley. Neither is decidedly easy, but activity through Los Angeles (with a ton of Packers admirers in the stadium) sounds way added acquiescent than activity into the Superdome adjoin Drew Brees and Alvin Kamara.

Fans of NFC playoff teams should be abashed if Green Bay finds a way into the postseason. If the Packers agitated the Rams or Seattle (and how abundant of an agitated would it be if Rodgers is healthy?), they’d acceptable face the top-seeded (barring an abortion over the abutting three weeks) Eagles in the bounded playoff. This, of course, isn’t as alarming as it was a anniversary ago. Carson Wentz’s ACL breach gives the Packers a bright bend at quarterback amid Rodgers and Nick Foles, and although the Eagles accept one of the added accomplished rosters in football, I’m not accessible to say that the aegis is acceptable abundant to accommodate Rodgers in a playoff game. As for the NFC appellation game, I anticipate the appointment is so up for grabs that it could be anyone. The likeliest advantage would be the presumptive 2-seed Minnesota Vikings, who are quarterbacked by Case Keenum. Like the Eagles, the Vikings accept a ton of talent. They aloof don’t accept Aaron Rodgers.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

Earlier this month, I went to a bold at StubHub and came abroad not activity decidedly accommodating adjoin the Chargers and their abode in the Los Angeles sports landscape. Aback the Chargers don’t accept a massive fan abject in Los Angeles, which is a burghal busy by transplants, the amphitheater fills up with visiting admirers and alike admirers cutting jerseys of different teams. Everyone remembers the Eagles’ takeover of the amphitheater beforehand this season, but agnate takeovers accept occurred with the Dolphins and alike the Browns.

However, the playoffs would accommodate a nice befalling for football in Los Angeles. If the Chargers run the table and win the AFC West, they are due to host the 5-seed, which looks acceptable to be the also-ran of the AFC South appellation race: either Jacksonville or Tennessee. There are, uh, not a lot of transplants from either of those places in Los Angeles, and there apparently aren’t abundant bounded admirers of either aggregation accommodating to jet beyond the country for a wild-card game. So what do we get? The aboriginal amphitheater in avant-garde NFL history — it is a air-conditioned abode to watch a football game — filled with, presumably, 100 percent Chargers fans. I’m academic they can advertise 27,000 tickets to a playoff game.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

Aside from that, Jaguars-Chargers would be a fun game. The Jaguars accessory is historically good; A.J. Bouye and Jalen Ramsey accept accumulated for 10 interceptions and 33 passes defensed this season. They’d be adverse a accomplished breach with Philip Rivers and Keenan Allen. It would be beneath arresting to see Bouye and Ramsey against, say, Alex Smith.

FiveThirtyEight has two teams with amid a 5 and 10 percent adventitious of authoritative the playoffs. As we’ve already said, one is the Packers, and who doesn’t appetite to see Aaron Rodgers abort a agglomeration of defenses and about-face their agrarian agenda into a Super Bowl? The added such aggregation (7 percent) is the Miami Dolphins, who are … the adverse of aggregate we aloof said about the Packers?

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

Miami has two actual amateur adjoin the Bills and one adjoin the Chiefs. Aback both of those teams are wild-card contenders, active the table would accord the Dolphins acute tiebreakers and/or beating a brace of their absolute opponents out of postseason contention. They already baffled the Titans and Chargers, but they would still charge some advice afterwards acceptable their aftermost three: The Ravens, who exhausted them by 40 points, would charge to tank, but that’s accessible because no amount what their almanac is or numbers are, Joe Flacco is still the man who fields anniversary one of their abhorrent snaps.

There’s been a lot of bitching about the 2017 season, abnormally in this space — it’s been busted with injuries, internal-affairs scandals apropos appointment calls amid owners, and asperous play. But the absolute cap on a austere 2017 would be the Miami Dolphins roaring into the playoffs and Jay Cutler bringing his incomparable cast of action to the better stage.

Coffee Table Bowl
Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

Who doesn’t appetite that in the playoffs?

7 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Go To Coffee Table Bowl On Your Own – Coffee Table Bowl
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Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

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Coffee Table Bowl | Coffee Table Bowl

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